How I feel after finding out my BF is a sex addict…

• I feel as though I am unattractive, a crap lay and not good enough for him. 
• I feel as though I am not the person he’s looking for and that I can never live up to his fantasies. 
• I feel like I have been used as something he thinks he wants but in reality he doesn’t.
• I am angry that he has lead a double life and that he was desperately seeking something besides me
• I am angry that the physical affair he had started out as cybersex so she knew exactly what he wanted – he told me he had a low sex drive and was straight-laced.  So I inhibited myself sexually.  So she could perform
• I am angry that I do not know if he is manipulating me to stay, but doesn’t actually feel guilt or remorse for his behavior.
• I wonder if he just tells me what I want to hear.
• He has said that he’s not sure if he missed his wife or the relationship itself (family unit) – it makes me mad to think that I may be in the same boat and yet I don’t leave.
• I am angry that all this woman had to do was look good and “be good” and I had to do his laundry, look after his child and deal with the day to day.  She just had to show up and look her best.  With day to day life you can’t look your best all of the time, shave your legs everyday, etc.
• I am angry that they could tell each other whatever the other wanted to hear with no follow ups.  Since she was married and he was with me.
• I am angry that he emailed her, webcammed with her and I didn’t
• I’m angry for all of the lies, deceit and the fact that I felt like I was the crazy, jealous person for so long snooping like a detective
• I’m angry that she didn’t look anything like me (I envision a super model – damn these visions)
• I’m angry that other people were tucking their kids in at night while they were shagging in a hotel room
• I’m angry that he could do it twice in one night with her over 2 hours and with me it was 3 minutes or limp
• I’m angry that he could set up a day/time to meet then for a week look me in the face, spend every waking moment with me, have sex with me, bring his daughter over for the weekend…and treat me like gold.  All the while he knew he was meeting that skank.  This hurts the most.  Where is your conscience?
• I’m confused as to what the heck happened in our whole relationship
• I do not believe a word that comes out of his mouth – but want to and that infuriates me
• I’m angry with my friends for judging me.  Even though I’d be the same with them and also that I feel weak and pathetic for not leaving.
• I’m angry our sex life sucked
• I’m angry that I didn’t figure it out sooner. 
• I’m angry with the lies when he tells the truth
• I’m angry that only he knows what he’s done and I will never know the extent of it all
• I’m angry that I’ve had other opportunities but I remained faithful
• I’m angry that we’ve spent over $1000 on counselling and we need stuff for the new house
• I’m angry that he spent who knows how much money on dating sites, porn, gas, hotel rooms, etc.
• I’m angry that he’s only admitted stuff when I have physical evidence
• I’m angry that I may be co-dependant
• I’m angry that I still love him and can’t bear to be apart from him – the old addage the person that hurts you the most is the one you want
• I’m angry that my family and friends think I’m a moron
• I’m angry that I think this will go away – when I’ve read the research and know logically otherwise
• I’m angry that I can’t get dressed and go outside for some crazy reason
• I’m angry that I analyze everything to death, from every angle and doubt the stuff that he says when he’s allegedly telling the truth
• I’m angry because my brain won’t shut off the images of him screwing some super model
• I’m angry that I cannot stop interrogating him for even an hour
• I’m angry that I cannot policce him but I still try
• I’m angry that I’m trying to be a sex goddess to him even if I don’t get off
• I’m angry that I can’t stop eating or starving and I stopped the eating disorder thing 15 years ago
• I’m angry that he started this stuff after he met me
• I’m angry I search crowds to see who he looks at
• I’m angry because I don’t want to take a job that makes me come home late
• I’m angry because he goes to the washroom for 10 minutes and I look to see where his phone is or listen to see if he’s masterbating
• I’m angry that it seems I’m obsessed with his obsession and that’s a sign of co-dependancy
• I’m angry that I want to support him through this
• I’m angry that when I’m with him it still feels good and he still treats me well
• I’m the angriest at myself for allowing this stuff to happen