Bob is going to stay at a hotel tonight without me. We’re both nervous about tonight.
He has to go for work. I am currently off work so I could go too, but I know I cannot police him. If there’s a will there’s a way. Hotel rooms are a trigger for Bob. He used to spend hours masterbating, looking at internet porn (movies aren’t his thing), having cybersex with many women and talking to women on the phone (he has a calling card) – all unpoliced. It’s like walking into a candy store for him.
It’s been eight weeks since he has done any of that stuff, he’s been to counselling, SLAA and has a sponsor. He has taken responsibility and he knows he cannot control his sex addiction – it controls him. It may be early for him to test himself, but he needs to do this now.
Next month he has a two week stint in an exotic location – where there are likely triggers abound. I may go with him then – it would be like sending a drug addict to an all you can snort buffet. I do WANT to believe that he can control this, but two weeks is a long time and in all honesty, if the past is indicative of the future, than he may slip. If he slips than it will do more damage to him, set him back, and it will devastate me further. I know I can’t police him, but I can support him.
Tonight Bob’s plan is this…check into the hotel, get food and get some sleep (we haven’t been sleeping well). If that fails and he has urges then he will call me or the sponsor. He’s only going an hour away so if he asks me to I will drive there to support him – no judgement. He is also taking Suduko and a Patrick Carnes book (sex addiction expert) with him to occupy his mind. His main trigger is boredom. If that fails then he will go for a walk (with our luck he’ll get robbed in the middle of the night – lol).
Bob has promised that he will tell me if he slips. I hope he will. It will hurt, but the worse part of all of this is the lies and the wondering. That said, I’m not sure if I was in his position if I’d tell me. I vary from understanding, to anger and digs to complacency.
Cross your fingers…the next step to beating this.
Filed under: 1. Cybersex Addiction, 2. Masterbation Addiction, 3. Pornography Addiction, 4. Sex Addiction, 5. Affairs Addiction, 5.3 Partners of Sex Addicts, 5.4 - 3 Months After Discovery, 9. About My BF | Tagged: hotel porn, hotels and sex addiction, internet addiction, internet porn addiction, masterbation addict, porn addict, sex addict, sex addiction, traveling and sex addiction
I have been increasingly troubled by my internet addiction. At first it didn’t seem so much as an addiction as an enjoyable pastime then slowly but surely I began to see even the most menial task on the Net as having way too much importance in my life. While spending more than 10 hours a day on the Internet I began to realise that actually I could only get less than half the things done that I used to. Productivity and work are all suffering not to mention my relationship with my wife.
Trouble is I know I need some sort of help but am at a loss for what to do? I tried looking at professional psychiatric help for addictions but I don’t know if I am using a sledgehammer to crack a nut. And it takes way too much time and costs way above my means. I have also tried scouring the net and managed to pick up a lot of reading material such as Dr Young work on the subject which has been quite helpful and detailed. I also came across a neat piece of software which automatically stops you from surfing too long on specific sites which has been rather good at stopping me being addicted for too long you can find this product at http://www.internetandaddiction.com well worth a try. But the fact remains that this problem has not been taken seriously enough by the people who really matter i.e. the ISP and Major Internet players for obvious reasons you might think but isn’t it about time they did ??
Would love to know how others cope with the same issues and what people think of Dr Kimberly Young suggestions and the software mentioned above.
Hi Hungry Britain,
Do you think you’re addicted to the internet or do you think you have a sex addiction?
Have you read Contrary to Love by Patrick Carnes? Or Untangling the Web by Weiss & Schneider?
What about joining sex anon or SLAA? They are both donation-based programs.
In the UK the NHS should be able to supply you with a good a counsellor too.
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I hope the other night went well.
I’m sure you guys already know about this–but just in case–there’s free programs you can put on your computer to help with accountability insofar as internet porn, etc.
Thanks for sharing your story. We’re pulling for you guys.