July 2008
Hi & thanks for reading this blog. This hurts! Sex addiction hurts everyone it’s not victimless.
It must come with heartache to find yourself here. Either you think you may have a problem and could possibly be a sex addict, you are a sex addict or you’re a significant other looking for answers, looking for support or like me trying desperately to understand all of this stuff.
The purpose of this blog www.BetrayedbyCybersex.wordpress.com initially started out as a venting ground. A cathartic place to get all of my fears, anger and frustrations out. It’s turning into a resource for information while still showing the way “Bob” and I are trying to get through this. Wondering whether I should leave or stay and wondering if I’m co-dependent, an enabler or just ”normal” – whatever normal is.
Bob is a sex addict. It all came out about June 3, 2007. After reading Patrick Carnes’ books he is as much a textbook case as you’re going to get. He is addicted primarily to masterbation and the porn and cybersex is the “crack – cocaine” that gets him going. Bob also had an affair for “just” sex (with likely another sex addict) which spanned over 3/4 of our relationship. We’ve been together 2 years next month, if we last that long – we bought a house in February 2008 together and started looking in October 2007. He had his last physical meeting with his affairee in October. This really hurts.
Me…I’m not a shrinking violet. I stand up for what I believe in. I am a professional person with great family and friends. My family are not addicts, I’ve never been abused and while I do have an eating disorder I am like every other person you see on the street. I am attractive and smart, I love sex and I love trying new things with the person I love and feel safe with. Bob’s sex addiction has nothing to do with me or our sex life.
I would like to point out that in no way, shape or form am I an expert on masterbation addiction, pornography addiction, affairs or anything to do with sex addiction. Eight weeks ago I first learned about sex addiction typing in the words “cybersex addiction” into Google. I’ve read books, read blogs, read articles, stories, research documents and anything I can get my hands on. I just want to understand Bob, this addiction and figure out what I’m going to do in the future and now. Figure out how I never noticed and he seemed to be with me virtually every spare moment.
Anyway, if you’re looking for layman’s information on:
- masterbation addiction
- cybersex addiction
- pornography addiction
- affairs
- sex addiction
then you’ve come to the right place. I’d be honored if you share your story or comment or answer questions by posting in the comments section on any posts. You can post anonomously, but I do moderate (check the posts before they go live on the site) because there has been spammers leaving counterproductive posts on this site.
*** WARNING: WordPress does add “possibly related posts” on these blogs and some links are counterproductive and could be triggers for addicts. My apologies, I do not have ANY control over these posts.***
Hi,
Just wanted to thank you so very much for this blog. I came across it by following links from an article in a UK newspaper.
I’ve spent today reading some of the posts, and I have to say that this is a lifeline, I thought that I was one of the few women going through this. Your site confirms my view that the whole issue of cybersex addiction is far more prevalent than I thought, and will become a huge problem in the future as more and more people get dragged into this mire.
Perhaps eventually I will post my story on this site. For now, my partner is imprisoned awaiting sentence for possession of child pornography, theft relating to his underwear fetish, and harassment relating to sexually explicit phone calls he has been making. He has lost his home, his very successful business and he has not seen his 14 year old daughter since his arrest.
All of this stems from him coming across a website and getting drawn in to behaviour which otherwise (he says) he would not have contemplated. I have discovered more things since, although as it is in the “adult ” world it will not form the basis of any criminal charges. And of course, I only know what I have discovered, I have no doubt there is more.
I am trying to make sense of his protestations that he’s a good guy really, and that he wants to build a life together when he is released. I will continue to visit your site and gain strength from the posts and comments I read.
Thanks once again,
Emerald
Surprisingly, I read somewhere that there were some similiarities to sex addiction and eating disorders. Both are considered Obsessive-Compulsive Spectrum Disorders. Both involve rituals. Both involve an abuse of activities which are widely considered necessary for survival… sex and food.
My sister has struggled with bulemia. Me with sex addiction. Coincidence? I don’t know.