Moving in a Few Weeks – fences

I love the way we are when we’re together and loathe the way we are when we’re apart. I loathe the baggage – and more specifically, I loathe the way I feel when I’mwith him. I don’t feel sexy, wanted, like a woman – I am his Mother, his roomate, his glue. I need to look after me now. Get well and lose the emotional baggage – and now I have a ton. Trying to imagine not be jealous, not looking for those “SA signs”, wondering if I’ll be bored without the intense drama that’s wrapped my psyche for what seems like 30 years (only 1.5 years).

5 Quick Things I’ve Proud of This Year (in terms of being with sex addict)

For the past few months, maybe longer, I have stopped looking at women jealously. There was a time where everywhere I looked, adn I mean everywhere, I only saw women who were better than me. They may be prettier, thinner, better eyelashes, funnier, smarter – whatever. I’m not gay, but I couldn’t stop looking at women. I objectified them. I’m done with that, like the headache that drove you nuts and then somehow, somewhere vanished.

HPV, Pre-cancer round 2

I forgot to write a post about this so I’ll sum it up here. As you may be aware I contracted HPV, human papilloma virus – genital warts (i don’t have warts), from Bob and had a LEEP procedure to remove the precancer in my cervix back in Feb/March.

Sad.

I’m sad today.  I’ve started to look for places to live.  I’m sad because I can’t find anything with wow factor.  I guess it’s hard to go from home owner to -at the landlord’s mercy – renter again.
I’m sad because Bob can’t be the person I want him to be or the person I thought [...]

Textbook Partner of Sex Addict – On The Cusp of my Own Affair

I have reconnected with someone I used to know. All of the books I’ve read show that there is a large number of partners of sex addicts that have affairs. I am possibly on the cusp of being that person. I feel guilty and don’t know if I can go through with it. But I think about it – I think about him – and I think about Bob.

All the stages of grief, all the time & it does get easier

I guess a part of me currently lives in denial. I still can’t emotionally believe 100% that he had the affair, that he was addicted to porn and cybersexed and tried to meet any person he could. Logically – and the all of the evidence supports the fact that he did. Sometimes, still, I am overwhelmed with panic.

One Year with Sex Addict

One year after sex addiction…

HPV, Precancer, surgery & sex addict

Well, I went for surgery yesterday to remove part of my cervix in a LEEP procedure.  Bob went with me and was very upset by “what he’s created.” 
The surgery was not painful – only mild cramping afterwards – like the early years when you get your period for the first time.  The reprocussions are:  I [...]

My Decision to Stay or Leave Sex Addict

We also started couples counselling before I found out about the affair/ the addiction…only to find out that our counsellor did more damage than good. He told Bob, after he was a confirmed sex addict, that it was perfectly acceptable to comment on a woman’s cleavage if she was wearing a low cut top, because that’s why she’d wear it. Bob said he’d get fired for that and does he (shrink) realize he’s a sex addict. We never went to another counsellor at all. Bob tried to get an appointment with the only SA counsellor in our city – but his calls were never returned. Apparently.

Understanding the causes behind sex addiction

Sex addiction – in what ever form can be attributed to feelings of escape, of living in a fantasy world and mostly hiding from feelings.  There’s a great article at the selfhelptips blog with this as the guts – I think it sums it up nicely.
So how are we to understand this sexual behavior, especially coming [...]

Great Article About Female Sex & Love Addicts

I found a good article about female sex and love addicts.  I’m going to put the whole article here (there are triggers on the landing page so I can’t provide a link).  It’s written very tongue and cheek, and makes light of the issue – but in fact there are some good tidbits of info [...]

SLAA Meetings & Honesty

Bob comes back from the SLAA meetings.  Sometimes he talks to me and sometimes he doesn’t afterwards.  I usually ask a battery of questions.  Bob thinks I’m “investigating” – trying to find out if he’s actually gone or trying to get more out of the answers.
Truth is I do believe he goes - he knows I know [...]

Questions about sex addiction – and answers

I’ll be putting up polls on a regular basis.  I will use the data as topics of posts going forward – so please participate – it’s anonymous.
Also, if there are topics/discussions/feelings/questions/answers I’m not covering and you want to know…comment on this post and I’ll do my best to answer or I can ask Bob for [...]

Anger Again – Partner of sex addict and grief

I am angry, not just with Bob, but with the whole world.  One good friend thinks this is normal and a normal part of the grieving process.  You know, the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and/or acceptance. Personally, I think it’s fitting since I’ve lost the person and the relationship “I thought” I had.
I’m [...]

Great post about “the meetings”

I’ve been a fan of Gentlepath’s blog for awhile and she has some great posts which explain what sex addiction and sex addiction recovery is about.
Today’s post starts like this:
One of the things I hear over and over in recovery is that you can’t stop going to meetings. From the outside looking in, it’s depressing because [...]

HPV, Sex Addiction, Celibacy, Babies & Me

Sorry, I’ve been off the map for awhile and thank you all for your emails and concern.  It’s nice to know that our virtual community is a close one.
So this past month has been weird.  We started going to RCA, which is good.  Either by chance or maybe it’s the meetings things have started to calm [...]

Anyone want to be part of a documentary on sex addiction?

I was approached a few weeks ago to be part of a TV documentary.  While I appreciate and feel honored by the offer my anonymity is more important to me at this point.
If anyone wants to be involved in this documentary please email me and I can pass on your info.  betrayedbycyber@hotmail.com

One Foot, Two Foot – Relationships & Sex Addiction

Bob & I had an interesting conversation the other night about our relationship.  I think he really understood what I’ve been trying to say over these past 5 months.  We generally need an intrepreter becuase what I think I’m saying and what he understands are 2 different things entirely – and vice versa.
I asked him [...]

What’s the difference between sexaholics anon & SLAA

So I’ve spoken to a few people and they say that there are inherent differences between SA & Sex and love addicts anon (SLAA)?
Has anyone been to both and what are the differences?
Thanks

Sex, Lies & Forgiveness – Couples speaking out on healing from addiction

So, I’m  re-reading the book by Jennifer Schneider & Burt Schneider and 5 months later I really find it a valuable tool to understanding.  The authors surveyed people and it is filled with examples, the way people feel on both sides.  There are some things that stick out for me…so I’ll excerpt them here. Both sides should [...]