Moving in a Few Weeks – fences

I love the way we are when we’re together and loathe the way we are when we’re apart. I loathe the baggage – and more specifically, I loathe the way I feel when I’mwith him. I don’t feel sexy, wanted, like a woman – I am his Mother, his roomate, his glue. I need to look after me now. Get well and lose the emotional baggage – and now I have a ton. Trying to imagine not be jealous, not looking for those “SA signs”, wondering if I’ll be bored without the intense drama that’s wrapped my psyche for what seems like 30 years (only 1.5 years).

5 Quick Things I’ve Proud of This Year (in terms of being with sex addict)

For the past few months, maybe longer, I have stopped looking at women jealously. There was a time where everywhere I looked, adn I mean everywhere, I only saw women who were better than me. They may be prettier, thinner, better eyelashes, funnier, smarter – whatever. I’m not gay, but I couldn’t stop looking at women. I objectified them. I’m done with that, like the headache that drove you nuts and then somehow, somewhere vanished.

HPV, Pre-cancer round 2

I forgot to write a post about this so I’ll sum it up here. As you may be aware I contracted HPV, human papilloma virus – genital warts (i don’t have warts), from Bob and had a LEEP procedure to remove the precancer in my cervix back in Feb/March.

Permission to be confused

I went to one on one therapy last week. My brain is driving me nuts..what should I do? Why am I so weak? Why would I want my friends to leave their partners if they were in this situation and yet I can’t? Am I making a mistake leaving? Are my expectations too high (sex addiction aside)? Why was I attracted to a sex addict? How did I not know? How will I know the next time? Will my jealousy always be like this? How will I ever trust? Why am I still so confused?

Undecided, confused and finally getting therapy

I have blamed Bob for everything – for my weight gain, for my financial situation, for my complete and utter misery, for my lack of a sex life and a lot more. I realized that I have not been intimate with him in any way either apart from bitching, nagging, microscoping/snooping and blaming. It’s been tense – crazy tense and he is not the only cause

Sad.

I’m sad today.  I’ve started to look for places to live.  I’m sad because I can’t find anything with wow factor.  I guess it’s hard to go from home owner to -at the landlord’s mercy – renter again.
I’m sad because Bob can’t be the person I want him to be or the person I thought [...]

My Decision to Stay or Leave Sex Addict

We also started couples counselling before I found out about the affair/ the addiction…only to find out that our counsellor did more damage than good. He told Bob, after he was a confirmed sex addict, that it was perfectly acceptable to comment on a woman’s cleavage if she was wearing a low cut top, because that’s why she’d wear it. Bob said he’d get fired for that and does he (shrink) realize he’s a sex addict. We never went to another counsellor at all. Bob tried to get an appointment with the only SA counsellor in our city – but his calls were never returned. Apparently.

Great post about “the meetings”

I’ve been a fan of Gentlepath’s blog for awhile and she has some great posts which explain what sex addiction and sex addiction recovery is about.
Today’s post starts like this:
One of the things I hear over and over in recovery is that you can’t stop going to meetings. From the outside looking in, it’s depressing because [...]

What’s the difference between sexaholics anon & SLAA

So I’ve spoken to a few people and they say that there are inherent differences between SA & Sex and love addicts anon (SLAA)?
Has anyone been to both and what are the differences?
Thanks

Sex, Lies & Forgiveness – Couples speaking out on healing from addiction

So, I’m  re-reading the book by Jennifer Schneider & Burt Schneider and 5 months later I really find it a valuable tool to understanding.  The authors surveyed people and it is filled with examples, the way people feel on both sides.  There are some things that stick out for me…so I’ll excerpt them here. Both sides should [...]

Found Partner of Sex Addict Groups!!!

Finally, found groups.  They are so underground and hard to find.  Bob brought a Recovering Couples Anon (RCA) pamphlet home that he picked-up in his SLAA meetings.
I finally called and talked to someone to find out location and details etc.  It was sooooooooooo nice to actually speak with someone in real life who has been [...]

The term co-addict for partners od sex addicts

I hate the term co-addict.  Being an English major and a self proclaimed pedant, it would mean that I share Bob’s addiction. I don’t share his addiction.  I think that I could be called, “Super Sleuth Partner of a Sex Addict, ” Betrayed Partner of Sex Addict” “Completely Lost Partner”…but co-addict, not so much.
Anyone else feel [...]

Antidepressants & sex addiction

Bob’s a mess (I can relate), truly – not sleeping, no concentration and really in shock about discovering that he was not in control of his “habits” that it controlled him and he can’t get his head around it.  So, he hasn’t excluded going on anti-depressents. 
So here’s my dilemma.  I know antidepressents help slow down  [...]

Thanks to Everyone for the Great Comments

I just want to personally thank everyone here for commenting on this blog.  As you know my purpose here is to try to understand and EVERYONE here has valuable things to say, questions to ask and also it’s great to know we’re not alone and it’s also great for others to know that we are not shy, frigid [...]

Sexual Abused Men & Sex Addiction

Quick update:  the online version isn’t as long or as as good as the magazine.  I read it to Bob from online and the sex addiction parts were missing in the online version. If you can get a copy of the mag – you should. The article is listed on the cover of the mag in the [...]

The Sex Addict, Celibacy, Concerns, & Wet Dreams

Bob’s been celibate now for nearly a month (he’s doing 60 days).  I’m proud of him.  He’s talking more and seems more engaged in life.  He says he didn’t know it would be this hard.  He also can see more and more how addicted he really is.  He sees his thought patterns.
He started the celibacy [...]

What is emotional intimacy?

Found a good article about emotional intimacy.   While I think it’s a bit more complicated in our situations here’s the bare bones.
Here’s a snippet:
Emotional intimacy is not the same as sexual intimacy. Sexual intimacy can take place with or without emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy often does not occur within any kind of sexual context.

 

Recovering Couples Anon – Sex addict & partner help

Well, I think the time has come to really figure how to be intimate and how to be a couple – a real one.
I’m going to ask Bob if he would like to do “date night” with me.  I found this RCA – Recovering Couples Anon website with a search fuction for meetings and there’s [...]

Sex Addiction Numbers Higher than Reported? Epidemic?

I started this blog July 9, 2009 – it seems so long ago and it also seems so close.  It’s very catharic for me and I read Bob the entries.  I’ve made some virtual friends along the way and I’ve put deep thought into a lot of comments and emails left by people on all [...]

Top 10 Things to Do When You Find Out Your Partner is a Sex Addict

The list is below but before I start there a few things I’d like to say….
I’d like to say stay calm, listen and don’t say things you’ll regret later but our emotions are so intense that me writing about them won’t help.  I’d also like to say don’t judge or give your opinions right away becuase [...]