Moving in a Few Weeks – fences

I love the way we are when we’re together and loathe the way we are when we’re apart. I loathe the baggage – and more specifically, I loathe the way I feel when I’mwith him. I don’t feel sexy, wanted, like a woman – I am his Mother, his roomate, his glue. I need to look after me now. Get well and lose the emotional baggage – and now I have a ton. Trying to imagine not be jealous, not looking for those “SA signs”, wondering if I’ll be bored without the intense drama that’s wrapped my psyche for what seems like 30 years (only 1.5 years).

5 Quick Things I’ve Proud of This Year (in terms of being with sex addict)

For the past few months, maybe longer, I have stopped looking at women jealously. There was a time where everywhere I looked, adn I mean everywhere, I only saw women who were better than me. They may be prettier, thinner, better eyelashes, funnier, smarter – whatever. I’m not gay, but I couldn’t stop looking at women. I objectified them. I’m done with that, like the headache that drove you nuts and then somehow, somewhere vanished.

HPV, Pre-cancer round 2

I forgot to write a post about this so I’ll sum it up here. As you may be aware I contracted HPV, human papilloma virus – genital warts (i don’t have warts), from Bob and had a LEEP procedure to remove the precancer in my cervix back in Feb/March.

One Year with Sex Addict

One year after sex addiction…

My Decision to Stay or Leave Sex Addict

We also started couples counselling before I found out about the affair/ the addiction…only to find out that our counsellor did more damage than good. He told Bob, after he was a confirmed sex addict, that it was perfectly acceptable to comment on a woman’s cleavage if she was wearing a low cut top, because that’s why she’d wear it. Bob said he’d get fired for that and does he (shrink) realize he’s a sex addict. We never went to another counsellor at all. Bob tried to get an appointment with the only SA counsellor in our city – but his calls were never returned. Apparently.

Understanding the causes behind sex addiction

Sex addiction – in what ever form can be attributed to feelings of escape, of living in a fantasy world and mostly hiding from feelings.  There’s a great article at the selfhelptips blog with this as the guts – I think it sums it up nicely.
So how are we to understand this sexual behavior, especially coming [...]

SLAA Meetings & Honesty

Bob comes back from the SLAA meetings.  Sometimes he talks to me and sometimes he doesn’t afterwards.  I usually ask a battery of questions.  Bob thinks I’m “investigating” – trying to find out if he’s actually gone or trying to get more out of the answers.
Truth is I do believe he goes - he knows I know [...]

Questions about sex addiction – and answers

I’ll be putting up polls on a regular basis.  I will use the data as topics of posts going forward – so please participate – it’s anonymous.
Also, if there are topics/discussions/feelings/questions/answers I’m not covering and you want to know…comment on this post and I’ll do my best to answer or I can ask Bob for [...]

HPV, Sex Addiction, Celibacy, Babies & Me

Sorry, I’ve been off the map for awhile and thank you all for your emails and concern.  It’s nice to know that our virtual community is a close one.
So this past month has been weird.  We started going to RCA, which is good.  Either by chance or maybe it’s the meetings things have started to calm [...]

One Foot, Two Foot – Relationships & Sex Addiction

Bob & I had an interesting conversation the other night about our relationship.  I think he really understood what I’ve been trying to say over these past 5 months.  We generally need an intrepreter becuase what I think I’m saying and what he understands are 2 different things entirely – and vice versa.
I asked him [...]

Sex, Lies & Forgiveness – Couples speaking out on healing from addiction

So, I’m  re-reading the book by Jennifer Schneider & Burt Schneider and 5 months later I really find it a valuable tool to understanding.  The authors surveyed people and it is filled with examples, the way people feel on both sides.  There are some things that stick out for me…so I’ll excerpt them here. Both sides should [...]

Having a bad day thinking about sex addict’s past -grrrrr

Sometimes I wish I could read minds – and then sometimes I don’t.
Today and last night I do.  Bob and I generally argue about the same things over and over.  He knows what he’s done and I don’t.  I want to know – all of it, I just want my mind to rest so I [...]

Sex addiction & Celibacy

So Bob had an epiphany last week at his SLAA meeting.  He’s on a 60-day celibacy stint and he’s had issues wondering why.  Then when he was talking to the group he realized that the pressure is off between the two of us when it comes to sex. 
Before the celibacy thing he had issues getting [...]

Bad News…I Hope Not

I had an STD test as soon as I found out about the phyical affair and I had one in March prior to that for my annual check-up and I had one when I met Bob because I was single for awhile before that and tramped about and I wanted to be sure that I [...]

Cuddling & The Recovering Sex Addict

Bob’s doing 60-days of celibacy.  So I’m not getting any.  I’m not an addict, but I do miss it.  However, we’ve been just cuddling in the morning, spooning and feeling the warmth of each other.  It’s awesome.  There is no pressure from either of us.  I’m likin’ it.  So is he. Ahhh - intimacy?
He does get erections [...]

Other addictions looming for the sex addict?

Bob’s trying to find new things to do to replace the crazy amount of hours devoted to his addiction.  So he gets video games and a PS2.
He’s been playing God of War like crazy…10 hours on the weekend.  Now he’s bored of it.  Doesn’t want to play at all – funny.  Seems like the only “hobby” he [...]

Antidepressants & sex addiction

Bob’s a mess (I can relate), truly – not sleeping, no concentration and really in shock about discovering that he was not in control of his “habits” that it controlled him and he can’t get his head around it.  So, he hasn’t excluded going on anti-depressents. 
So here’s my dilemma.  I know antidepressents help slow down  [...]

Thanks to Everyone for the Great Comments

I just want to personally thank everyone here for commenting on this blog.  As you know my purpose here is to try to understand and EVERYONE here has valuable things to say, questions to ask and also it’s great to know we’re not alone and it’s also great for others to know that we are not shy, frigid [...]

Sexual Abused Men & Sex Addiction

Quick update:  the online version isn’t as long or as as good as the magazine.  I read it to Bob from online and the sex addiction parts were missing in the online version. If you can get a copy of the mag – you should. The article is listed on the cover of the mag in the [...]

The Sex Addict, Celibacy, Concerns, & Wet Dreams

Bob’s been celibate now for nearly a month (he’s doing 60 days).  I’m proud of him.  He’s talking more and seems more engaged in life.  He says he didn’t know it would be this hard.  He also can see more and more how addicted he really is.  He sees his thought patterns.
He started the celibacy [...]