My Decision to Stay or Leave Sex Addict

We also started couples counselling before I found out about the affair/ the addiction…only to find out that our counsellor did more damage than good. He told Bob, after he was a confirmed sex addict, that it was perfectly acceptable to comment on a woman’s cleavage if she was wearing a low cut top, because that’s why she’d wear it. Bob said he’d get fired for that and does he (shrink) realize he’s a sex addict. We never went to another counsellor at all. Bob tried to get an appointment with the only SA counsellor in our city – but his calls were never returned. Apparently.

Questions about sex addiction – and answers

I’ll be putting up polls on a regular basis.  I will use the data as topics of posts going forward – so please participate – it’s anonymous.
Also, if there are topics/discussions/feelings/questions/answers I’m not covering and you want to know…comment on this post and I’ll do my best to answer or I can ask Bob for [...]

Anger Again – Partner of sex addict and grief

I am angry, not just with Bob, but with the whole world.  One good friend thinks this is normal and a normal part of the grieving process.  You know, the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and/or acceptance. Personally, I think it’s fitting since I’ve lost the person and the relationship “I thought” I had.
I’m [...]

Great post about “the meetings”

I’ve been a fan of Gentlepath’s blog for awhile and she has some great posts which explain what sex addiction and sex addiction recovery is about.
Today’s post starts like this:
One of the things I hear over and over in recovery is that you can’t stop going to meetings. From the outside looking in, it’s depressing because [...]

HPV, Sex Addiction, Celibacy, Babies & Me

Sorry, I’ve been off the map for awhile and thank you all for your emails and concern.  It’s nice to know that our virtual community is a close one.
So this past month has been weird.  We started going to RCA, which is good.  Either by chance or maybe it’s the meetings things have started to calm [...]

One Foot, Two Foot – Relationships & Sex Addiction

Bob & I had an interesting conversation the other night about our relationship.  I think he really understood what I’ve been trying to say over these past 5 months.  We generally need an intrepreter becuase what I think I’m saying and what he understands are 2 different things entirely – and vice versa.
I asked him [...]

Sex, Lies & Forgiveness – Couples speaking out on healing from addiction

So, I’m  re-reading the book by Jennifer Schneider & Burt Schneider and 5 months later I really find it a valuable tool to understanding.  The authors surveyed people and it is filled with examples, the way people feel on both sides.  There are some things that stick out for me…so I’ll excerpt them here. Both sides should [...]

Found Partner of Sex Addict Groups!!!

Finally, found groups.  They are so underground and hard to find.  Bob brought a Recovering Couples Anon (RCA) pamphlet home that he picked-up in his SLAA meetings.
I finally called and talked to someone to find out location and details etc.  It was sooooooooooo nice to actually speak with someone in real life who has been [...]

Maybe it’s the too good to be true…

Maybe I’m feeling all crazy today because I’ve been thinking about how well Bob is doing, or says he’s doing.  I wonder how can he be whiteknuckling it for 5 months and celibate for 30 days and not relapse.  How is he doing it?
I’m a smoker and I know how hard it is to quit [...]

The term co-addict for partners od sex addicts

I hate the term co-addict.  Being an English major and a self proclaimed pedant, it would mean that I share Bob’s addiction. I don’t share his addiction.  I think that I could be called, “Super Sleuth Partner of a Sex Addict, ” Betrayed Partner of Sex Addict” “Completely Lost Partner”…but co-addict, not so much.
Anyone else feel [...]

Having a bad day thinking about sex addict’s past -grrrrr

Sometimes I wish I could read minds – and then sometimes I don’t.
Today and last night I do.  Bob and I generally argue about the same things over and over.  He knows what he’s done and I don’t.  I want to know – all of it, I just want my mind to rest so I [...]

Cuddling & The Recovering Sex Addict

Bob’s doing 60-days of celibacy.  So I’m not getting any.  I’m not an addict, but I do miss it.  However, we’ve been just cuddling in the morning, spooning and feeling the warmth of each other.  It’s awesome.  There is no pressure from either of us.  I’m likin’ it.  So is he. Ahhh - intimacy?
He does get erections [...]

Antidepressants & sex addiction

Bob’s a mess (I can relate), truly – not sleeping, no concentration and really in shock about discovering that he was not in control of his “habits” that it controlled him and he can’t get his head around it.  So, he hasn’t excluded going on anti-depressents. 
So here’s my dilemma.  I know antidepressents help slow down  [...]

Thanks to Everyone for the Great Comments

I just want to personally thank everyone here for commenting on this blog.  As you know my purpose here is to try to understand and EVERYONE here has valuable things to say, questions to ask and also it’s great to know we’re not alone and it’s also great for others to know that we are not shy, frigid [...]

Sexual Abused Men & Sex Addiction

Quick update:  the online version isn’t as long or as as good as the magazine.  I read it to Bob from online and the sex addiction parts were missing in the online version. If you can get a copy of the mag – you should. The article is listed on the cover of the mag in the [...]

The Sex Addict, Celibacy, Concerns, & Wet Dreams

Bob’s been celibate now for nearly a month (he’s doing 60 days).  I’m proud of him.  He’s talking more and seems more engaged in life.  He says he didn’t know it would be this hard.  He also can see more and more how addicted he really is.  He sees his thought patterns.
He started the celibacy [...]

4 months after learning BF is a sex addict

It’s been about 4 months since the sex addiction reared it’s head.  I’m still as confused as ever.  There are two issues now.  Obviously the sex addiction and now the fact that Bob doesn’t feel.
We’ve not had sex for over two weeks now and Bob is in the celibacy stage of recovery.  He decided to [...]

The Beginning

Here’s my first post:
http://betrayedbycybersex.wordpress.com/2008/07/09/my-boyfriend-is-a-cybersex-addict/