Moving in a Few Weeks – fences

I love the way we are when we’re together and loathe the way we are when we’re apart. I loathe the baggage – and more specifically, I loathe the way I feel when I’mwith him. I don’t feel sexy, wanted, like a woman – I am his Mother, his roomate, his glue. I need to look after me now. Get well and lose the emotional baggage – and now I have a ton. Trying to imagine not be jealous, not looking for those “SA signs”, wondering if I’ll be bored without the intense drama that’s wrapped my psyche for what seems like 30 years (only 1.5 years).

5 Quick Things I’ve Proud of This Year (in terms of being with sex addict)

For the past few months, maybe longer, I have stopped looking at women jealously. There was a time where everywhere I looked, adn I mean everywhere, I only saw women who were better than me. They may be prettier, thinner, better eyelashes, funnier, smarter – whatever. I’m not gay, but I couldn’t stop looking at women. I objectified them. I’m done with that, like the headache that drove you nuts and then somehow, somewhere vanished.

HPV, Pre-cancer round 2

I forgot to write a post about this so I’ll sum it up here. As you may be aware I contracted HPV, human papilloma virus – genital warts (i don’t have warts), from Bob and had a LEEP procedure to remove the precancer in my cervix back in Feb/March.

Permission to be confused

I went to one on one therapy last week. My brain is driving me nuts..what should I do? Why am I so weak? Why would I want my friends to leave their partners if they were in this situation and yet I can’t? Am I making a mistake leaving? Are my expectations too high (sex addiction aside)? Why was I attracted to a sex addict? How did I not know? How will I know the next time? Will my jealousy always be like this? How will I ever trust? Why am I still so confused?

Sad.

I’m sad today.  I’ve started to look for places to live.  I’m sad because I can’t find anything with wow factor.  I guess it’s hard to go from home owner to -at the landlord’s mercy – renter again.
I’m sad because Bob can’t be the person I want him to be or the person I thought [...]

One Year with Sex Addict

One year after sex addiction…

HPV, Precancer, surgery & sex addict

Well, I went for surgery yesterday to remove part of my cervix in a LEEP procedure.  Bob went with me and was very upset by “what he’s created.” 
The surgery was not painful – only mild cramping afterwards – like the early years when you get your period for the first time.  The reprocussions are:  I [...]

My Decision to Stay or Leave Sex Addict

We also started couples counselling before I found out about the affair/ the addiction…only to find out that our counsellor did more damage than good. He told Bob, after he was a confirmed sex addict, that it was perfectly acceptable to comment on a woman’s cleavage if she was wearing a low cut top, because that’s why she’d wear it. Bob said he’d get fired for that and does he (shrink) realize he’s a sex addict. We never went to another counsellor at all. Bob tried to get an appointment with the only SA counsellor in our city – but his calls were never returned. Apparently.

SLAA Meetings & Honesty

Bob comes back from the SLAA meetings.  Sometimes he talks to me and sometimes he doesn’t afterwards.  I usually ask a battery of questions.  Bob thinks I’m “investigating” – trying to find out if he’s actually gone or trying to get more out of the answers.
Truth is I do believe he goes - he knows I know [...]

Questions about sex addiction – and answers

I’ll be putting up polls on a regular basis.  I will use the data as topics of posts going forward – so please participate – it’s anonymous.
Also, if there are topics/discussions/feelings/questions/answers I’m not covering and you want to know…comment on this post and I’ll do my best to answer or I can ask Bob for [...]

Anger Again – Partner of sex addict and grief

I am angry, not just with Bob, but with the whole world.  One good friend thinks this is normal and a normal part of the grieving process.  You know, the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and/or acceptance. Personally, I think it’s fitting since I’ve lost the person and the relationship “I thought” I had.
I’m [...]

HPV, Sex Addiction, Celibacy, Babies & Me

Sorry, I’ve been off the map for awhile and thank you all for your emails and concern.  It’s nice to know that our virtual community is a close one.
So this past month has been weird.  We started going to RCA, which is good.  Either by chance or maybe it’s the meetings things have started to calm [...]

One Foot, Two Foot – Relationships & Sex Addiction

Bob & I had an interesting conversation the other night about our relationship.  I think he really understood what I’ve been trying to say over these past 5 months.  We generally need an intrepreter becuase what I think I’m saying and what he understands are 2 different things entirely – and vice versa.
I asked him [...]

What’s the difference between sexaholics anon & SLAA

So I’ve spoken to a few people and they say that there are inherent differences between SA & Sex and love addicts anon (SLAA)?
Has anyone been to both and what are the differences?
Thanks

Sex, Lies & Forgiveness – Couples speaking out on healing from addiction

So, I’m  re-reading the book by Jennifer Schneider & Burt Schneider and 5 months later I really find it a valuable tool to understanding.  The authors surveyed people and it is filled with examples, the way people feel on both sides.  There are some things that stick out for me…so I’ll excerpt them here. Both sides should [...]

Found Partner of Sex Addict Groups!!!

Finally, found groups.  They are so underground and hard to find.  Bob brought a Recovering Couples Anon (RCA) pamphlet home that he picked-up in his SLAA meetings.
I finally called and talked to someone to find out location and details etc.  It was sooooooooooo nice to actually speak with someone in real life who has been [...]

Maybe it’s the too good to be true…

Maybe I’m feeling all crazy today because I’ve been thinking about how well Bob is doing, or says he’s doing.  I wonder how can he be whiteknuckling it for 5 months and celibate for 30 days and not relapse.  How is he doing it?
I’m a smoker and I know how hard it is to quit [...]

The term co-addict for partners od sex addicts

I hate the term co-addict.  Being an English major and a self proclaimed pedant, it would mean that I share Bob’s addiction. I don’t share his addiction.  I think that I could be called, “Super Sleuth Partner of a Sex Addict, ” Betrayed Partner of Sex Addict” “Completely Lost Partner”…but co-addict, not so much.
Anyone else feel [...]

Having a bad day thinking about sex addict’s past -grrrrr

Sometimes I wish I could read minds – and then sometimes I don’t.
Today and last night I do.  Bob and I generally argue about the same things over and over.  He knows what he’s done and I don’t.  I want to know – all of it, I just want my mind to rest so I [...]

Sex addiction & Celibacy

So Bob had an epiphany last week at his SLAA meeting.  He’s on a 60-day celibacy stint and he’s had issues wondering why.  Then when he was talking to the group he realized that the pressure is off between the two of us when it comes to sex. 
Before the celibacy thing he had issues getting [...]