Moving in a Few Weeks – fences

I love the way we are when we’re together and loathe the way we are when we’re apart. I loathe the baggage – and more specifically, I loathe the way I feel when I’mwith him. I don’t feel sexy, wanted, like a woman – I am his Mother, his roomate, his glue. I need to look after me now. Get well and lose the emotional baggage – and now I have a ton. Trying to imagine not be jealous, not looking for those “SA signs”, wondering if I’ll be bored without the intense drama that’s wrapped my psyche for what seems like 30 years (only 1.5 years).

Permission to be confused

I went to one on one therapy last week. My brain is driving me nuts..what should I do? Why am I so weak? Why would I want my friends to leave their partners if they were in this situation and yet I can’t? Am I making a mistake leaving? Are my expectations too high (sex addiction aside)? Why was I attracted to a sex addict? How did I not know? How will I know the next time? Will my jealousy always be like this? How will I ever trust? Why am I still so confused?

Sad.

I’m sad today.  I’ve started to look for places to live.  I’m sad because I can’t find anything with wow factor.  I guess it’s hard to go from home owner to -at the landlord’s mercy – renter again.
I’m sad because Bob can’t be the person I want him to be or the person I thought [...]

All the stages of grief, all the time & it does get easier

I guess a part of me currently lives in denial. I still can’t emotionally believe 100% that he had the affair, that he was addicted to porn and cybersexed and tried to meet any person he could. Logically – and the all of the evidence supports the fact that he did. Sometimes, still, I am overwhelmed with panic.

One Year with Sex Addict

One year after sex addiction…

HPV, Precancer, surgery & sex addict

Well, I went for surgery yesterday to remove part of my cervix in a LEEP procedure.  Bob went with me and was very upset by “what he’s created.” 
The surgery was not painful – only mild cramping afterwards – like the early years when you get your period for the first time.  The reprocussions are:  I [...]

HPV, Sex Addiction, Celibacy, Babies & Me

Sorry, I’ve been off the map for awhile and thank you all for your emails and concern.  It’s nice to know that our virtual community is a close one.
So this past month has been weird.  We started going to RCA, which is good.  Either by chance or maybe it’s the meetings things have started to calm [...]

One Foot, Two Foot – Relationships & Sex Addiction

Bob & I had an interesting conversation the other night about our relationship.  I think he really understood what I’ve been trying to say over these past 5 months.  We generally need an intrepreter becuase what I think I’m saying and what he understands are 2 different things entirely – and vice versa.
I asked him [...]

What’s the difference between sexaholics anon & SLAA

So I’ve spoken to a few people and they say that there are inherent differences between SA & Sex and love addicts anon (SLAA)?
Has anyone been to both and what are the differences?
Thanks

Sex, Lies & Forgiveness – Couples speaking out on healing from addiction

So, I’m  re-reading the book by Jennifer Schneider & Burt Schneider and 5 months later I really find it a valuable tool to understanding.  The authors surveyed people and it is filled with examples, the way people feel on both sides.  There are some things that stick out for me…so I’ll excerpt them here. Both sides should [...]

Still having a bad day…

Still think he’s up to something.  Not sure why I think that exactly.  Intution?  Paranoia?
He just got back from a 4 night business trip and he’s in a good mood – it’s odd to see him smile, chat and laugh.  Makes me wonder. 
He’s at his group tonight – hope it goes well.  But he could [...]

Maybe it’s the too good to be true…

Maybe I’m feeling all crazy today because I’ve been thinking about how well Bob is doing, or says he’s doing.  I wonder how can he be whiteknuckling it for 5 months and celibate for 30 days and not relapse.  How is he doing it?
I’m a smoker and I know how hard it is to quit [...]

Having a bad day thinking about sex addict’s past -grrrrr

Sometimes I wish I could read minds – and then sometimes I don’t.
Today and last night I do.  Bob and I generally argue about the same things over and over.  He knows what he’s done and I don’t.  I want to know – all of it, I just want my mind to rest so I [...]

Antidepressants & sex addiction

Bob’s a mess (I can relate), truly – not sleeping, no concentration and really in shock about discovering that he was not in control of his “habits” that it controlled him and he can’t get his head around it.  So, he hasn’t excluded going on anti-depressents. 
So here’s my dilemma.  I know antidepressents help slow down  [...]

4 months after learning BF is a sex addict

It’s been about 4 months since the sex addiction reared it’s head.  I’m still as confused as ever.  There are two issues now.  Obviously the sex addiction and now the fact that Bob doesn’t feel.
We’ve not had sex for over two weeks now and Bob is in the celibacy stage of recovery.  He decided to [...]

Interview with Sex Addict about Masterbation Addiction

I’m going to preface this by saying that I’m the interviewer and Bob’s partner so there be conflicts of interest here.  Also, that Bob is in therapy trying to understand himself so answers may seem short likley because he doesn’t really know.  Here goes:
First masterbated?  around 10 and would masterbate about 3 or 4 times [...]

Masterbation Addiction Interview

Update Sept 5, 2008: The interview about masterbation addiction
 
Tonight, Bob has agreed to let me “interview him” about his masterbation addiction to post here.  I have lot’s of people asking me questions offline about it.  So I’ll post likely tomorrow in a Q & A style.  Should be interesting. It will also include some info about [...]

Letter from partner of sex addict

I received an email from someone else in this boat and she said I could publish it…so here it is:
I am 27.  “James” was my first and I was his his first.  We met when I was 15 and he was 18.  We dated for about a year, then he was going to college and [...]

Top 10 Things to Do When You Find Out Your Partner is a Sex Addict

The list is below but before I start there a few things I’d like to say….
I’d like to say stay calm, listen and don’t say things you’ll regret later but our emotions are so intense that me writing about them won’t help.  I’d also like to say don’t judge or give your opinions right away becuase [...]

Interesting thoughts from sex addict on SLAA

Bob admitted yesterday that he finds the cryers and the needy people at SLAA to be annoying.  He respects the people who are matter of fact.  Thinks the crying people are pathetic and that they need to pull up their socks and stop feeling sorry for themselves.
Wow.
This sex addiction recovery is really starting to show [...]